I'm a real mess up. Big time. I'm not joking, either. And I don't mean this in a light way. In the past month, I have tripped, fallen and landed flat on my face so many more times that I can even count. I've chosen things over God, stupid movies over prayer, a beer in a pub with friends over time reading my bible. Sometimes I am such a poor stewardess for my God's Kingdom that I want to hide my face behind a rock, or a blanket, or anything really. I've been so embarrassed to talk about the way that I struggle sometimes, that I just keep my mouth shut and smile and keep on going with my day.
Haha.
That's not how we're supposed to live, beloved. That's what I'm realizing. I'm sitting here and thinking of how I am ashamed of my brokenness, but I am also sitting here and realizing for the first time that of course, in some ways, I am broken. Aren't we all? Aren't we all a little messed up and banged up and caught up? Aren't we all a little less than perfect? I am realizing that the fall was real and it truly did break our relationship with our Creator. The world is a big, dark, scary place and so of course, sometimes we are going to trip and fall and be a little terrified. Sometimes we're going to ache because we are living in a world that isn't thriving or growing the way it was created to. And knowing that and realizing all this makes my brokenness and my humanity just a tad bit easier to deal with. Don't get me wrong- I WANT to have a good testimony for The Lord. Oh, oh, do I ever want to be a great stewardess for His Kingdom and His name and His glory. It's not really okay to get pulled into sinful things and it is not at all okay to choose anything over Him. But it does happen. And sitting here and pretending that it doesn't happen doesn't really change anything.
During one of my churches services this summer a man came up in the middle of it, interrupted the pastor and said he needed prayer. Before I knew it, the whole church was crying and praying for each other. My girl friends and I all knelt down together for about an hour, cried our eyes out and started sharing ways that we were all struggling. It was so dang beautiful that thinking about it still leaves me a little breathless. All it took was one man admitting his brokenness and suddenly everyone else was admitting it, too. It made it easier knowing that we weren't alone. And so here's my confession, brothers and sisters: I am broken. Man oh man am I ever broken. In little ways and big ways. And here's another one, beloved: I am struggling. Man oh man am I ever struggling. In little ways and big ways. In the past few weeks there have been so many moments where I wasn't too sure if I was going to be able to stand on my own two feet or even make it to the end of the day. You know what? I'm not ashamed of it. Not anymore. I think that Satan wants us to sit down and shut our mouths and keep quiet about what happens inside our hearts. But I don't think that's what The Lord wants. I think He placed us all together to share and struggle and just be. I think the church is meant to suffer and shine together. We're meant to go hand in hand through the good times and the bad. Bringing God's Kingdom to earth doesn't just happen when we are out sharing the gospel and giving away bibles, it also happens in the still small moments where we choose to sit down and work through heart ache together.
So let me encourage you if you're struggling and you're a Christian- you're not alone. And let me let you in on a little secret: you're going to struggle. If you haven't already, it's going to come. Trust me. Jesus said it Himself. One day He was speaking to some people and (in so many words) said, "Listen. You're gonna go through some rough stuff in this life." He said it and so, it's true. And let me tell you something else- struggling isn't sinful. Sure, sometimes we struggle with sin and by His great grace, Jesus gives us the power to overcome. But struggling isn't sinful in and of itself. In fact, if you're a Christian you will probably have a really hard time getting through many things in this world. It's alright to admit it. I'll sit here and struggle with you, beloved.
One more thing- when you are struggling, don't forget to lift up your hands in thanks. Yeah, this stuff sucks. Yeah, brokenness hurts. But if you've got the King of the Universe living inside of you, lift up your hands. Give thanks. You're not going through a single thing alone. And though you may have some pain in this life, God has promised to confiscate all our wheelchairs, medicine and tears at the gates of heaven. It won't always be this way. One day you'll be at the nail scared, loving feet of Jesus where there will be no tears or mourning. Rejoice in that.
Joy as we struggle. That's the God I know. Boy oh boy am I ever thankful.
Haha.
That's not how we're supposed to live, beloved. That's what I'm realizing. I'm sitting here and thinking of how I am ashamed of my brokenness, but I am also sitting here and realizing for the first time that of course, in some ways, I am broken. Aren't we all? Aren't we all a little messed up and banged up and caught up? Aren't we all a little less than perfect? I am realizing that the fall was real and it truly did break our relationship with our Creator. The world is a big, dark, scary place and so of course, sometimes we are going to trip and fall and be a little terrified. Sometimes we're going to ache because we are living in a world that isn't thriving or growing the way it was created to. And knowing that and realizing all this makes my brokenness and my humanity just a tad bit easier to deal with. Don't get me wrong- I WANT to have a good testimony for The Lord. Oh, oh, do I ever want to be a great stewardess for His Kingdom and His name and His glory. It's not really okay to get pulled into sinful things and it is not at all okay to choose anything over Him. But it does happen. And sitting here and pretending that it doesn't happen doesn't really change anything.
During one of my churches services this summer a man came up in the middle of it, interrupted the pastor and said he needed prayer. Before I knew it, the whole church was crying and praying for each other. My girl friends and I all knelt down together for about an hour, cried our eyes out and started sharing ways that we were all struggling. It was so dang beautiful that thinking about it still leaves me a little breathless. All it took was one man admitting his brokenness and suddenly everyone else was admitting it, too. It made it easier knowing that we weren't alone. And so here's my confession, brothers and sisters: I am broken. Man oh man am I ever broken. In little ways and big ways. And here's another one, beloved: I am struggling. Man oh man am I ever struggling. In little ways and big ways. In the past few weeks there have been so many moments where I wasn't too sure if I was going to be able to stand on my own two feet or even make it to the end of the day. You know what? I'm not ashamed of it. Not anymore. I think that Satan wants us to sit down and shut our mouths and keep quiet about what happens inside our hearts. But I don't think that's what The Lord wants. I think He placed us all together to share and struggle and just be. I think the church is meant to suffer and shine together. We're meant to go hand in hand through the good times and the bad. Bringing God's Kingdom to earth doesn't just happen when we are out sharing the gospel and giving away bibles, it also happens in the still small moments where we choose to sit down and work through heart ache together.
So let me encourage you if you're struggling and you're a Christian- you're not alone. And let me let you in on a little secret: you're going to struggle. If you haven't already, it's going to come. Trust me. Jesus said it Himself. One day He was speaking to some people and (in so many words) said, "Listen. You're gonna go through some rough stuff in this life." He said it and so, it's true. And let me tell you something else- struggling isn't sinful. Sure, sometimes we struggle with sin and by His great grace, Jesus gives us the power to overcome. But struggling isn't sinful in and of itself. In fact, if you're a Christian you will probably have a really hard time getting through many things in this world. It's alright to admit it. I'll sit here and struggle with you, beloved.
One more thing- when you are struggling, don't forget to lift up your hands in thanks. Yeah, this stuff sucks. Yeah, brokenness hurts. But if you've got the King of the Universe living inside of you, lift up your hands. Give thanks. You're not going through a single thing alone. And though you may have some pain in this life, God has promised to confiscate all our wheelchairs, medicine and tears at the gates of heaven. It won't always be this way. One day you'll be at the nail scared, loving feet of Jesus where there will be no tears or mourning. Rejoice in that.
Joy as we struggle. That's the God I know. Boy oh boy am I ever thankful.