I need to write about this. I need to speak about this. Because if I don't I think I may explode (and that would be unfortunate for everyone). I have a confession. Lately, I have been Thomas. You know, the guy that's remembered for, um, doubting Jesus. He was all like "I won't believe Jesus is alive unless I see Him and touch the holes where the nails were driven through His hands." What a dummy, right? Yeah, well, I've been a dummy the past few weeks. In any situation that I've been in- I've doubted my Lord in every way possible. God told me to go to Peru to serve Him... I thought I was taking a step in the right direction with applying to a ministry and working everything out. And, I was- going in the right direction, that is. But instead of taking a step I kind of just stumbled and fell and lay on the floor and demanded God that He do something. That if He was going to send me to Peru, He better work everything out and give me all the funds- NOW. I became like Thomas, there. Only instead of demanding to touch the holes in Jesus' hands, I demanded to touch the funds. To have everything. Thomas said he wouldn't believe Jesus was alive unless he seen it, and I said I wouldn't believe He could provide until He proved it. Though God has provided in every other area and every single circumstance of my life, always, I just couldn't seem to believe He would do it this time. I don't even know why, to be honest. My own selfish heart held me down. So I sat on the floor and grumbled and complained, and yes- looked a whole lot like Thomas.
But do you remember what Jesus' response to Thomas was? 8 days after Thomas made this absurd statement, he was hanging out with the other disciples- in a room where all the doors were locked- and all of a sudden Jesus appears out of nowhere. He stretches His hands out to Thomas and lets him touch the holes. "Believe." Jesus whispered. Yeah, that's Jesus- appearing out of nowhere and giving us what we want... what we need. What our souls crave for. And that's just what He did for me, too.
I work at Cape Breton Bible camp. I was supposed to have this past week off to work on fundraisers (the mere $60 in my savings account was giving me a little anxiety). But then someone got sick and they asked me to go in and work. Honestly, I was bitter. I went in anyways, though. And all week, nearly every second of the day, I was worrying about funds... and complaining lots, too (how godly of me). Today, after receiving some generous donations and my fundraisers working out despite my being gone, I have over $700. Within 5 days. That number might not look big, but to me it is so much more than 3 digits. It is God breaking part of my soul and setting it free that I may rest in one truth- He loves me. He loves me and He will send me and He will provide. Out of His love, He will pull me up off the floor, dance with me and show me that He is powerful and that He is good. Out of His love, He liberates me. And that is why I need to write this, because today God has opened my eyes and filled my hands not only with funds, but with His love.
2, 000 years ago, after my sweet Jesus appeared to Thomas and let him touch His hands, He said "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." That's what He's teaching me today, and I hope it's what He's teaching you, too. That He is Jesus, He is Lord, He is powerful, He is loving. Our disbelief won't change that. So I pray that we would look to the cross and look at all that He's done and begin to believe, long before we ever see.
John 20:24-29
But do you remember what Jesus' response to Thomas was? 8 days after Thomas made this absurd statement, he was hanging out with the other disciples- in a room where all the doors were locked- and all of a sudden Jesus appears out of nowhere. He stretches His hands out to Thomas and lets him touch the holes. "Believe." Jesus whispered. Yeah, that's Jesus- appearing out of nowhere and giving us what we want... what we need. What our souls crave for. And that's just what He did for me, too.
I work at Cape Breton Bible camp. I was supposed to have this past week off to work on fundraisers (the mere $60 in my savings account was giving me a little anxiety). But then someone got sick and they asked me to go in and work. Honestly, I was bitter. I went in anyways, though. And all week, nearly every second of the day, I was worrying about funds... and complaining lots, too (how godly of me). Today, after receiving some generous donations and my fundraisers working out despite my being gone, I have over $700. Within 5 days. That number might not look big, but to me it is so much more than 3 digits. It is God breaking part of my soul and setting it free that I may rest in one truth- He loves me. He loves me and He will send me and He will provide. Out of His love, He will pull me up off the floor, dance with me and show me that He is powerful and that He is good. Out of His love, He liberates me. And that is why I need to write this, because today God has opened my eyes and filled my hands not only with funds, but with His love.
2, 000 years ago, after my sweet Jesus appeared to Thomas and let him touch His hands, He said "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." That's what He's teaching me today, and I hope it's what He's teaching you, too. That He is Jesus, He is Lord, He is powerful, He is loving. Our disbelief won't change that. So I pray that we would look to the cross and look at all that He's done and begin to believe, long before we ever see.
John 20:24-29