Overwhelmed.
It's the first thing that came to my mind when I sat down on this uncomfortable floor of the airport with my back against the wall and headphones in my ears. I am so overwhelmed. I am so overcome, right now.
In the past 11 days, I have left my South American home, said good bye to 26 kids, travelled around Peru, hiked Machu Picchu, met new people, stayed in new places, took 3 planes (threw up a lot on one of them), stayed up for 42 hours straight, spent 45 hours in Toronto, did my first 10km run on Canadian soil, lived out of a suit case, messed up my sleeping schedule, got too many nosebleeds, took a plane to Washington, spent three days there, said good bye to someone I never want to say good bye to, cried in the airport alone, took a flight back to Toronto, stayed in a hotel, caught 5 hours of sleep, went to the airport... went to the wrong airport. Took a taxi to the right one with the most ridiculous layout you can ever, ever imagine. Spent money I didn't have. Lost cash. Lost my phone. Found my phone. Threw up again. Bought some vitamin water. And now I'm here. That's what brings me to this big word- "overwhelmed". It's an understatement at the moment, probably.
Maybe you're kind of thinking that I have every right to be exasperated and overwhelmed, here. I mean, like, come on. That is a whole lot to endure in 11 days. I wanna sit down with some cheesecake [it's been 3.5 months without cheesecake] and coffee and sweats and netflix. But I am still four hours from my province and 2 more sets of uncomfortable plane ride seats from my sister. And as much as I want to give in and go buy some M&M's [ok, confession, I did end up buying the M&M's] and maybe just sit here and cry a little [confession #2: I did cry earlier when I realized my sister booked me a connecting flight at the wrong airport], I won't.
I am not against some good ice cream and chick flicks and a little relaxing me-time. Taking care of yourself is real and though I am all about being extravagant and bold, sometimes I forget to tell you that the mundane, self-care stuff really REALLY matters. But I'm thinking of that hall of faith thing in Hebrews 11. Where the scriptures talk about all of the great people of faith who have loved and wholeheartedly trusted in God. It starts off with Moses. And Moses, if you know the dude, messed up a lot. Like so bad he didn't even make it into the Promise Land. Sometimes he got frustrated and stopped truting God and one time he totally didn't listen and hit a rock with a stick and it all went down hill (you can check out that story for yourself in Numbers if you want).
And right about now you may be thinking like, what does Moses hitting a rock and my insane 11 days have to do with each other? Nothing really. But the writer of Hebrews (and the real author of all- God) counted Moses into that hall of faith despite all of his mess ups. In fact, the author doesn't even mention the mistakes and screw ups that Moses made. He [they?] just skips over it. Like even though there was a bunch of embarrassing and awkward bad stuff, it isn't even spoken of. Only the good stuff is written down and has been kept for centuries.
On the pages of Hebrews, Moses's full out love and devotion and good, shinning, bold and brave moments are penned. Forget the icky past. In the grand scheme of things, the great stuff stood out more.
And maybe sometimes that's just how we need to look at life. Maybe we just need to shut up about all the mistakes and wrong airports and lost money and missing cell phones and pukey bathrooms and just take a breath and be thankful that we're living and breathing.
We are living and breathing.
You are living and breathing.
Here's what I didn't write at the beginning of my little rant:
I got the chance to go to Peru. A new continent and a new country for me. I got to love on 26 kids. I learned a new language, learned how to farm and fell in love with running. I petted an alpaca, hiked around one of the wonders of the world and lived in the Andes mountains. I took three totally safe flights despite my uneasy stomach. I made 3 new friends on plane rides alone. I got to share the gospel with people. I got to pray for someone. Someone prayed for me. I went 42 hours without sleep but ended up in a really comfortable bed at my friends house which was clean and safe. I got to visit my friend and his family who are some of the kindest, most hospitable people in this world. My friend made me coffee and smoothies and we hunkered down and talked about bravery and dreams together. I came back to Canada. I got to go to the United States. I got challenged good and hard and beautifully. I got to visit the smartest man I've ever met. I learned about air planes and got to see the fastest one in the world. Ever. I had a hotel to stay in and snacks to eat and netflix to watch this morning. I felt my bible in my fingertips when I woke up. I got to tell my taxi driver about Jesus even though he thought I was crazy. I'm wearing my favourite flannel shirt [which does not match my outfit but who cares? I am rocking this look]. And I am just four measly hours from my family. Four. Hours. After three point five months of loneliness and new beginnings and struggles, only 240 minutes separate me from my family. My heart is beating and my body is healthy and I have plane tickets and a pretty dress on and a funky, unattractive tan line but hey, at least I'm tan.
And maybe we just need to do that a little more often, don't you think?
Like maybe if we just take our eyes off of ourselves- what's wrong, what we want, why we have the right to cry and complain- and just, I don't know, be thankful for all the stuff we have... it could change everything.
It could change everything.
I listened to this sermon by Matt Chandler a few months ago and he talked about a bonfire of praise. I love that term. It's up there in one of the most beautiful ways to live life I've ever heard of.
He pointed out that when you are grateful, you're happy. You're happy because you count all the good stuff you have. And counting the good stuff makes you thankful. And if you're thankful you are happy and happiness leads back to gratefulness and if you just keep on living like that you can kind of explode a little and just become one big bonfire of thankfulness. And praise. And kindness. Because if you're grateful and thankful and any other good word you can think of ending in 'ful' then you can also be happy. And joyful. And joy will just yield thankfulness once again. And it just keeps going.
Don't you want to just keep going like that?
There are so many great role models in this world. And then there are like, some really really really horrible ones. Take a look on the big screens and you'll find so many ways to not live your life. Be unhappy. Complain about your job. Drink a lot. Gossip. Hate your work. Try some drugs. Tell everyone how horrible your life is. Boast about everything. Pity yourself when you mess up. Never take risks. Try as hard as you can to be the most self centred and arrogant person around. Expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. Curse a lot.
Check all that off your list and the only thing you're lacking from so many celebrities is the fame. Thing is- tons of young people live this way in the Western World. It's what's plastered across our news channels and movie clips and I have seen the deadliness of it trickle down into teenagers. To twelve year olds. To forty year old addicts who don't dare want to break out of their vice grip of abusiveness because it's familiar and it's popular.
But what if we just lived a little differently?
Stopped counting all the stuff that makes you want to pull your hair out and grab the tissues. Make a deal with yourself to try your absolute hardest to just see the good side even when it seems so incredibly impossible. Shake your own hand and promise with all your heart and soul that when the crappy circumstances come and bare their wild faces, you'll look the other way. Have no part in it. Drop the baggage of self pity in the garbage and pick up some better outlooks. Be fearless enough to kiss your hatred good bye and grab a hold of thankfulness. Gratefulness. Kindness. Walk hand in hand with them.
Turn your life into a bonfire. Because if you're standing there and burning bright with big, beautiful lights, you'll set other people on fire. You'll set some hope in places that need it more than anything else. You'll bring light with you and carry it around like it's your middle name. And don't you know babe? Don't you know? This world so desperately needs some more light.
It's the first thing that came to my mind when I sat down on this uncomfortable floor of the airport with my back against the wall and headphones in my ears. I am so overwhelmed. I am so overcome, right now.
In the past 11 days, I have left my South American home, said good bye to 26 kids, travelled around Peru, hiked Machu Picchu, met new people, stayed in new places, took 3 planes (threw up a lot on one of them), stayed up for 42 hours straight, spent 45 hours in Toronto, did my first 10km run on Canadian soil, lived out of a suit case, messed up my sleeping schedule, got too many nosebleeds, took a plane to Washington, spent three days there, said good bye to someone I never want to say good bye to, cried in the airport alone, took a flight back to Toronto, stayed in a hotel, caught 5 hours of sleep, went to the airport... went to the wrong airport. Took a taxi to the right one with the most ridiculous layout you can ever, ever imagine. Spent money I didn't have. Lost cash. Lost my phone. Found my phone. Threw up again. Bought some vitamin water. And now I'm here. That's what brings me to this big word- "overwhelmed". It's an understatement at the moment, probably.
Maybe you're kind of thinking that I have every right to be exasperated and overwhelmed, here. I mean, like, come on. That is a whole lot to endure in 11 days. I wanna sit down with some cheesecake [it's been 3.5 months without cheesecake] and coffee and sweats and netflix. But I am still four hours from my province and 2 more sets of uncomfortable plane ride seats from my sister. And as much as I want to give in and go buy some M&M's [ok, confession, I did end up buying the M&M's] and maybe just sit here and cry a little [confession #2: I did cry earlier when I realized my sister booked me a connecting flight at the wrong airport], I won't.
I am not against some good ice cream and chick flicks and a little relaxing me-time. Taking care of yourself is real and though I am all about being extravagant and bold, sometimes I forget to tell you that the mundane, self-care stuff really REALLY matters. But I'm thinking of that hall of faith thing in Hebrews 11. Where the scriptures talk about all of the great people of faith who have loved and wholeheartedly trusted in God. It starts off with Moses. And Moses, if you know the dude, messed up a lot. Like so bad he didn't even make it into the Promise Land. Sometimes he got frustrated and stopped truting God and one time he totally didn't listen and hit a rock with a stick and it all went down hill (you can check out that story for yourself in Numbers if you want).
And right about now you may be thinking like, what does Moses hitting a rock and my insane 11 days have to do with each other? Nothing really. But the writer of Hebrews (and the real author of all- God) counted Moses into that hall of faith despite all of his mess ups. In fact, the author doesn't even mention the mistakes and screw ups that Moses made. He [they?] just skips over it. Like even though there was a bunch of embarrassing and awkward bad stuff, it isn't even spoken of. Only the good stuff is written down and has been kept for centuries.
On the pages of Hebrews, Moses's full out love and devotion and good, shinning, bold and brave moments are penned. Forget the icky past. In the grand scheme of things, the great stuff stood out more.
And maybe sometimes that's just how we need to look at life. Maybe we just need to shut up about all the mistakes and wrong airports and lost money and missing cell phones and pukey bathrooms and just take a breath and be thankful that we're living and breathing.
We are living and breathing.
You are living and breathing.
Here's what I didn't write at the beginning of my little rant:
I got the chance to go to Peru. A new continent and a new country for me. I got to love on 26 kids. I learned a new language, learned how to farm and fell in love with running. I petted an alpaca, hiked around one of the wonders of the world and lived in the Andes mountains. I took three totally safe flights despite my uneasy stomach. I made 3 new friends on plane rides alone. I got to share the gospel with people. I got to pray for someone. Someone prayed for me. I went 42 hours without sleep but ended up in a really comfortable bed at my friends house which was clean and safe. I got to visit my friend and his family who are some of the kindest, most hospitable people in this world. My friend made me coffee and smoothies and we hunkered down and talked about bravery and dreams together. I came back to Canada. I got to go to the United States. I got challenged good and hard and beautifully. I got to visit the smartest man I've ever met. I learned about air planes and got to see the fastest one in the world. Ever. I had a hotel to stay in and snacks to eat and netflix to watch this morning. I felt my bible in my fingertips when I woke up. I got to tell my taxi driver about Jesus even though he thought I was crazy. I'm wearing my favourite flannel shirt [which does not match my outfit but who cares? I am rocking this look]. And I am just four measly hours from my family. Four. Hours. After three point five months of loneliness and new beginnings and struggles, only 240 minutes separate me from my family. My heart is beating and my body is healthy and I have plane tickets and a pretty dress on and a funky, unattractive tan line but hey, at least I'm tan.
And maybe we just need to do that a little more often, don't you think?
Like maybe if we just take our eyes off of ourselves- what's wrong, what we want, why we have the right to cry and complain- and just, I don't know, be thankful for all the stuff we have... it could change everything.
It could change everything.
I listened to this sermon by Matt Chandler a few months ago and he talked about a bonfire of praise. I love that term. It's up there in one of the most beautiful ways to live life I've ever heard of.
He pointed out that when you are grateful, you're happy. You're happy because you count all the good stuff you have. And counting the good stuff makes you thankful. And if you're thankful you are happy and happiness leads back to gratefulness and if you just keep on living like that you can kind of explode a little and just become one big bonfire of thankfulness. And praise. And kindness. Because if you're grateful and thankful and any other good word you can think of ending in 'ful' then you can also be happy. And joyful. And joy will just yield thankfulness once again. And it just keeps going.
Don't you want to just keep going like that?
There are so many great role models in this world. And then there are like, some really really really horrible ones. Take a look on the big screens and you'll find so many ways to not live your life. Be unhappy. Complain about your job. Drink a lot. Gossip. Hate your work. Try some drugs. Tell everyone how horrible your life is. Boast about everything. Pity yourself when you mess up. Never take risks. Try as hard as you can to be the most self centred and arrogant person around. Expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. Curse a lot.
Check all that off your list and the only thing you're lacking from so many celebrities is the fame. Thing is- tons of young people live this way in the Western World. It's what's plastered across our news channels and movie clips and I have seen the deadliness of it trickle down into teenagers. To twelve year olds. To forty year old addicts who don't dare want to break out of their vice grip of abusiveness because it's familiar and it's popular.
But what if we just lived a little differently?
Stopped counting all the stuff that makes you want to pull your hair out and grab the tissues. Make a deal with yourself to try your absolute hardest to just see the good side even when it seems so incredibly impossible. Shake your own hand and promise with all your heart and soul that when the crappy circumstances come and bare their wild faces, you'll look the other way. Have no part in it. Drop the baggage of self pity in the garbage and pick up some better outlooks. Be fearless enough to kiss your hatred good bye and grab a hold of thankfulness. Gratefulness. Kindness. Walk hand in hand with them.
Turn your life into a bonfire. Because if you're standing there and burning bright with big, beautiful lights, you'll set other people on fire. You'll set some hope in places that need it more than anything else. You'll bring light with you and carry it around like it's your middle name. And don't you know babe? Don't you know? This world so desperately needs some more light.