Here is what I have been told about God: He is useless. He is a crutch. He isn't
real. He is fake. He's responsible for all the bad stuff in the world. He doesn't
care. He doesn't exist. He hates us. If He loves us, He never shows it. He isn't
to be talked about in schools or the mall or anywhere public. He's not for everyone.
He's not everyone's cup of tea. Don't talk about Him so much. Don't speak about Him
in front of people- it's awkward and embarassing.
Here is what I know about God: He loves us.
That's it. I know there's all kinds of debate nowadays in the Western part of
the world about His love- should we speak about it? Are we speaking about it too
much? I don't know. I'm not a philosopher. I am not wise or smart or a teacher
or a preacher. I am just a girl, and yet one fact has radically changed my life:
He loves us. He loves me. He loves me. Romans says it's His kindness that brings
us to repentence. Amen, brother. That's what made me hand my life over willingly
to Him. That's what caused me to kneel before my bed three and a half years ago
and utter the words: I'm Yours, Jesus.
And as I sit in my room, my back against a mud wall, my bible on my lap, staring
out at a snowcapped mountain in the Andes, I realize one thing. There may be a lot
of debate about God and what He says and how the bible is interpeted, but this I
know with all my heart: He loves us. He loves me. And to sit here and realize that
all over again is bringing me to tears.
Some people say that Jesus died on a cross and that was it. Take it or leave it.
He did what He did out of love and now the rest is up to us. I say that's a bunch
of poop. I say that's not true. I will willingly stand and testify about this: He
is still in the buisness of pursuing us. Say what you want, but I promise you, He
is still chasing after us. He is still wooing us. He is still fighting for us. Don't
ask me why. I mean, YES, out of His love. Why He would love us, us deformed, imperfect,
flawed people, I absolutely do not know. But I am 100% sure that He does.
Ten months ago, I knelt on my sisters floor in England and begged Jesus to tell me where
He was going to take me next.. What He was going to do with me, now. University?
Africa? Somewhere else? I begged Him to tell me where. Daily, for a while, I got
down on my knees and asked Him to just tell me. Just tell me, Jesus. And then one
night my sister and I were on our way back from the gym, blasting music and singing
in her car and I was daydreaming and I heard Jesus whisper to me: Peru. My response?
No. No, Lord. Sorry. You can take me anywhere, but not there. I'll go where I want, and
trust me, I have never wanted to go to Peru. You must be mistaken. For weeks I
ignored His words and kept praying that He would make me love Him more. That is one
of my consistent bare bone prayers: make me love You more, Jesus. And as I
continued to pray that, I continued to hear Him tell me Peru. Over and over. So
finally, reluctantly, I agreed.
And now, ten months later and my consistent request of making me love Him more,
I sit in the Andes Mountains in an orphanage in Peru. As I sit here, I cry because
as I said, I am realizing again that He loves us. He loves me. Jesus loves me.
And it's such a big realization that my hands are too small to keep it contained.
Here is why I say He is in the business of pursuing us: because He is pursuing me.
My barebones prayer? He has answered. The bible says that He is a jealous lover. The
fact that He would be jealous for me is so wonderful that I don't know what to say
or do. The fact that He would be so jealous as to actually act on it, overwhelms me.
The orphanage I will spend four months living in is located at the end of the earth. No
I am serious. I have found the end of the earth. Five plane rides, a few days of travelling,
one day of driving over and up and around and up and down and across and through the
Andes and I have found the end of the earth. Here, there are few kids, no media,
no internet, little cell phone service and no one who speaks English. Here, I am
removed so far from friends and family and.. well, anything, that I am actually
beginning to wonder if the rest of the world exists. Here, I can't even speak... Literally.
I don't speak Spanish and the people here don't speak English. I didn't know what
to do or think or feel at first. I was tired and upset and sick. And I didn't want to
be here. But as I sit on my bed tonight, watching a breath taking sunset over
the snow-capped mountain in front of my window, I realize that Jesus has pursued me. Here, I
can do nothing but be quiet. It's so much different than my thirty minutes of quiet time
with Jesus at the beach. Here, I have no choice but to sit and listen and learn. I
have no influences. No friends, family, media, church buildings or religion and at the moment
no electricity. I've got nothing but Jesus.
Make me love You more, Jesus. My bare-bone prayer.
I want you to love me more, Annika.
I am a jealous lover and I want all of you. I don't want part of your heart. I don't
want thirty minutes every few weeks at the beach. I don't just want your ten minute
morning devotional. I don't want you to be thinking of other people more than you think
of Me. I don't want you to read your bible every now and then. I want you to cling to
My Word like it is your lifeline. I don't want half of you. I want all of you. My Word
says I'm fierce and I am. So I will take you to the end of the earth and I will answer
your prayer because it's what I want for you, too. I will cause you to love me more because
that is the best thing for you. My love is the best thing for you. My heart and will
and desire is the best thing for you. And because I love you so much, I want what's best
for you. I am your Lover and Father and Saviour and Friend and I am not going to
give up on you. I am not going to stop pursing you. I chose you on the cross and today
I choose you again, and I will take you to the end of the earth just to show you that I
love you and I am what's best for you.
That's what Jesus is saying to me.
Call me crazy. Call me a dreamer. Call me cliché, if you want. Whether you believe
this or not, I am certain that He loves me. I am certain that He has and is pursuing
me. And if He is doing this for me, let me tell you something: I am certain He is
doing it for you, too. I am certain He wants you. I am certain He loves you in
this fierce, overwhelming way. He has taken me to the end of the earth where I can
do nothing but shut up and listen. And these are the truths that He is whispering- or
shouting- into the depths of my heart.
I am sure that if you sit and listen, He will tell you, too.
He loves you.
real. He is fake. He's responsible for all the bad stuff in the world. He doesn't
care. He doesn't exist. He hates us. If He loves us, He never shows it. He isn't
to be talked about in schools or the mall or anywhere public. He's not for everyone.
He's not everyone's cup of tea. Don't talk about Him so much. Don't speak about Him
in front of people- it's awkward and embarassing.
Here is what I know about God: He loves us.
That's it. I know there's all kinds of debate nowadays in the Western part of
the world about His love- should we speak about it? Are we speaking about it too
much? I don't know. I'm not a philosopher. I am not wise or smart or a teacher
or a preacher. I am just a girl, and yet one fact has radically changed my life:
He loves us. He loves me. He loves me. Romans says it's His kindness that brings
us to repentence. Amen, brother. That's what made me hand my life over willingly
to Him. That's what caused me to kneel before my bed three and a half years ago
and utter the words: I'm Yours, Jesus.
And as I sit in my room, my back against a mud wall, my bible on my lap, staring
out at a snowcapped mountain in the Andes, I realize one thing. There may be a lot
of debate about God and what He says and how the bible is interpeted, but this I
know with all my heart: He loves us. He loves me. And to sit here and realize that
all over again is bringing me to tears.
Some people say that Jesus died on a cross and that was it. Take it or leave it.
He did what He did out of love and now the rest is up to us. I say that's a bunch
of poop. I say that's not true. I will willingly stand and testify about this: He
is still in the buisness of pursuing us. Say what you want, but I promise you, He
is still chasing after us. He is still wooing us. He is still fighting for us. Don't
ask me why. I mean, YES, out of His love. Why He would love us, us deformed, imperfect,
flawed people, I absolutely do not know. But I am 100% sure that He does.
Ten months ago, I knelt on my sisters floor in England and begged Jesus to tell me where
He was going to take me next.. What He was going to do with me, now. University?
Africa? Somewhere else? I begged Him to tell me where. Daily, for a while, I got
down on my knees and asked Him to just tell me. Just tell me, Jesus. And then one
night my sister and I were on our way back from the gym, blasting music and singing
in her car and I was daydreaming and I heard Jesus whisper to me: Peru. My response?
No. No, Lord. Sorry. You can take me anywhere, but not there. I'll go where I want, and
trust me, I have never wanted to go to Peru. You must be mistaken. For weeks I
ignored His words and kept praying that He would make me love Him more. That is one
of my consistent bare bone prayers: make me love You more, Jesus. And as I
continued to pray that, I continued to hear Him tell me Peru. Over and over. So
finally, reluctantly, I agreed.
And now, ten months later and my consistent request of making me love Him more,
I sit in the Andes Mountains in an orphanage in Peru. As I sit here, I cry because
as I said, I am realizing again that He loves us. He loves me. Jesus loves me.
And it's such a big realization that my hands are too small to keep it contained.
Here is why I say He is in the business of pursuing us: because He is pursuing me.
My barebones prayer? He has answered. The bible says that He is a jealous lover. The
fact that He would be jealous for me is so wonderful that I don't know what to say
or do. The fact that He would be so jealous as to actually act on it, overwhelms me.
The orphanage I will spend four months living in is located at the end of the earth. No
I am serious. I have found the end of the earth. Five plane rides, a few days of travelling,
one day of driving over and up and around and up and down and across and through the
Andes and I have found the end of the earth. Here, there are few kids, no media,
no internet, little cell phone service and no one who speaks English. Here, I am
removed so far from friends and family and.. well, anything, that I am actually
beginning to wonder if the rest of the world exists. Here, I can't even speak... Literally.
I don't speak Spanish and the people here don't speak English. I didn't know what
to do or think or feel at first. I was tired and upset and sick. And I didn't want to
be here. But as I sit on my bed tonight, watching a breath taking sunset over
the snow-capped mountain in front of my window, I realize that Jesus has pursued me. Here, I
can do nothing but be quiet. It's so much different than my thirty minutes of quiet time
with Jesus at the beach. Here, I have no choice but to sit and listen and learn. I
have no influences. No friends, family, media, church buildings or religion and at the moment
no electricity. I've got nothing but Jesus.
Make me love You more, Jesus. My bare-bone prayer.
I want you to love me more, Annika.
I am a jealous lover and I want all of you. I don't want part of your heart. I don't
want thirty minutes every few weeks at the beach. I don't just want your ten minute
morning devotional. I don't want you to be thinking of other people more than you think
of Me. I don't want you to read your bible every now and then. I want you to cling to
My Word like it is your lifeline. I don't want half of you. I want all of you. My Word
says I'm fierce and I am. So I will take you to the end of the earth and I will answer
your prayer because it's what I want for you, too. I will cause you to love me more because
that is the best thing for you. My love is the best thing for you. My heart and will
and desire is the best thing for you. And because I love you so much, I want what's best
for you. I am your Lover and Father and Saviour and Friend and I am not going to
give up on you. I am not going to stop pursing you. I chose you on the cross and today
I choose you again, and I will take you to the end of the earth just to show you that I
love you and I am what's best for you.
That's what Jesus is saying to me.
Call me crazy. Call me a dreamer. Call me cliché, if you want. Whether you believe
this or not, I am certain that He loves me. I am certain that He has and is pursuing
me. And if He is doing this for me, let me tell you something: I am certain He is
doing it for you, too. I am certain He wants you. I am certain He loves you in
this fierce, overwhelming way. He has taken me to the end of the earth where I can
do nothing but shut up and listen. And these are the truths that He is whispering- or
shouting- into the depths of my heart.
I am sure that if you sit and listen, He will tell you, too.
He loves you.